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Carol's Blog for 2018


The views and opinions expressed in this blog are the personal views of Carol and are not necessarily intended to reflect the views of the
Ozark Dogs Rescue Organization.

Be who you are and say what you feel...Because those that matter... don't mind...And those that mind... don't matter."

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
11/19:  Lou Lou has went back to the sister of her deceased owner.  I miss her a lot, but the wild bunch was losing ground.  She has been gone 4 days and a huge change.  All the wild bunch are roaming all over the house.  I still can't walk up to Fraz at all, but making progress with Freedom and Patty.  Doing good with the others but still a bit reluctant.  Leslie waits for me to come pet her.  She is as social as Cotton now.  Still conflict with Cotton and Parker but just 'words', no actions.  Neither one has the energy to take it beyond growls and some strutting.  I also have all the gates open in hopes that some will wander to the shop and go inside.  I have the door to the apartment open too.  But the shop is locked up tight except for the doggie door.  Freedom comes down to the yard and barks at the doggie door.  He's not going to let anyone go in.
     Don't know if I mentioned helping out a gal whose dog was dying.  She promised to come help me.  Yah, right.  All I got when I cut off the help at over $700 was "Well, I guess he can just die!" as if it were my fault.  Don't know if the dog made it.  She never had the courtesy to even let me know.  Sick of people.  But I am helping 2 smaller dogs.  Neighbor called.  Guy is in drug rehab and will be for a long time.  She said he has beaten and kicked these dogs repeatedly.  She has no idea the breed.  I'm going to meet her today and get them into the vet.  I'll stick them in the garage with the heater on until the Humane Society has room for them.  I'll be sure they are on the list.  If Debbie finds a foster or I do, then that will be the plan.  Not a clue why I am doing this! 
      The other  Debb who took JoJo is being evasive.  I'm not happy.  I worry.  But I can't take him back.  I am so frustrated that life is so damn shitty.  Just unfair that people don't care. 
     I found a hypnotist.  I go tomorrow.  I'm hoping it will help me know if I misplaced the $2500 or if it was stolen.  I just can't get past laying it on the counter and thinking, I need to count it.  Then thinking, I'll do it later.  Thought I put it back, but maybe not.  I walked the upper yard just incase Sadie made off with it.  Of course a week had gone by.  But I would have found something.  Plus, I am pretty sure the zip lock bag it was in is the empty one I found in the freezer.  If so, it confirms I put it back and someone stole it. 
      The realtor contract on the house has expired.  Screw it!  I've got plan B and C.  Still looking in MO. but Idaho is out.  At least for 4 years until Sandra moves there.  Had one in MO. I really liked.  Failed to sell first go around.  Realtor pissed me off.  She does not want to help with foreclosures.  She keeps pushing stuff I can't afford.  Anyway, the one I like is back up for bid but has exceeded what I would have paid.  There were no bids on it the first go around, so I might have gotten it for what I was willing to pay.  Plan C is to stay put.  Use my savings to build up on my hill. Divide the property.  Share the well.  Put in septic.  Regular house is too expensive so thinking of going with pole barn and house inside. Insulated pole barn with plumbing for 2 baths and a kitchen and lots of windows and sliding doors.  I can create as I go by adding walls inside.  And if I decide to have a 'store' to sell my stuff, zoning should not be a problem.  Then once I'm settled in, sell the house and existing shop with 3 acres, not the 6 1/2 and take off the adjoining 5 acres and all the extras I was including.  The dogs would still be on the land they know and I'd have a small house and just what I need plus cash in the bank for when Idaho does become a plan. 
    Kathleen is coming down for a week this coming Saturday.  I will be so glad to see her.  Tired of talking to myself and to the dogs.  I answer myself but dog don't carry on the conversation so going a bit crazy here.   
11/04:  I've been struggling to get this new way of getting into my web site.  Each time it is like starting over.  I really don't know how I do it each time. 
     This past month has been bad.  But then so has the past few years.  Everything on the decline including my mind and my body.  I now have absolutely no help.  Second time money has went missing and both times my housekeeper was the only one who knew where it was hidden.  Both times in different places.  First time, several people could have found and taken it.  This time everything points to her, or me simply losing my mind and throwing it in the trash.  Approx. $2500 in cash this time.  So I just can't feel comfortable having her back.  I've even tried to find a hypnotist to see if I may have absently mindedly put it somewhere after I paid her out of it the last time.  I would love to find it an apologize but highly unlikely.  
     I miss JoJo, but yet I don't.  I'm just too tired.  Lou Lou needs someone special.  Right now I am down here in the shop and brought her with earlier.  Let the wild bunch in the house.  They are regressing.  Not good.  Anyway, I went up to get lunch.  Lou Lou saw me leave and was so sad.  When I just came back down after about an hour, she was like a puppy.  She was thrilled.  Jumping around and doing a happy dance.  I just wanted to cry realizing how insecure she is.  I just have to re-arrange my life to work around the dissention in the house.  Sadly, this leaves Leslie out unless I sleep in my own bed.  But it still kind of leaves her out because then Cotton or Sadie is clinging to me.  Leslie is really old and not doing good.  She needs me.  They all need me and I just can't stretch myself to be 'special' to all of them.  I called the lady I got Lou Lou from, sister of the owner that died.  Left a message.  I really wish she would figure out how to take her.  Lou Lou would be so happy to be number one in someones life and she knows this person.  Then my life would be less emotion.
     It has rained for 4 days straight.  Then rained for 2 days straight before that.  And it rained all year.  Never really had a summer.  Climate change my ass.  Not the kind "they" are talking about.  We just stole the rain from the tropical rain forests and they got our summers.
     The wetter and colder I get, the more I hurt.  My back and shoulder are so painful I can't sleep. Knee and sciatic nerve hurt when I stand up for very long. Can barely sit for more then a few minutes. My hips hurt so bad I can't bend.  Can't put the dog bowls on the floor.  Kind of have to drop them.  Then have to flip them up with my foot to pick them up.  Scared to get the shot but I'm going to have to.  Neck has been really sore too.  To top it off, I have a head cold.  Headache and sniffles.  And I have vertigo.  Not completely toppled over, but come close.  Usually near a wall to grab.  And I'm going to have to give up my tooth.  First one.  All are mine.  This one is shattered and sometimes it hurts.  Sometime not. 
     I entered a friends rescue in a contest and she won!  She gets a years supply of dog food.  11 tons!  All to be delivered in 3 weeks.  It was coming this Tuesday but they got delayed.  Thank you God!  I donated money so she could get a place to store it.    She is certain she can build a storage building cheaper then buying a steel transport container.   Well, steady rain has sure put a damper on the building.  So thank God she got a reprieve.  Now the rain just needs to stop for a week or 2.  I went in way beyond what I could afford helping her, but that was ok.  Then to have $2500 go missing, it has really messed me up.  But what is done, is done.  I just know the money is being well spent for the 90 some dogs she cares for.  She works harder then anyone I know for the dogs and sacrifices everything she has for them.  I do not regret helping.   I just wish my $2500 had not vanished. 
10/10:  A week ago the back gate got propped open.  It is spring loaded and opens in.  If the dogs pull on it, it snaps shut before they can get through it.  It was pulled back, set on top of a curled hose and a Nylabone wedged between hose and gate.  I had a heck of a time lifting it up to get it closed.  This was deliberate.  I was home. but trying to take a nap.  I know it was closed when I laid down.  I know it was open when I got up.  Sadie was gone.  Found her the next day, covered in ticks and fleas.  At least the others did not leave. 
    After feeding dinner I tried to get Lou Lou to ignore Leslie.  Did not happen.  She attacked her.  So I brought Lou Lou to the shop for the night. Last night there was a storm.  It was raining too hard for me to go down and check on Lou Lou and move the water catching basket in front of the side door.  Terrified the apartment would flood, but afraid to go out in the storm.  This morning the bucket is under the door.  I DID NOT put it there!  Absolutely, positively did not.  Go ahead and think I am crazy, but the ghosts are back.  Good and bad.  Like last year when both the house and shop doors flew open at the same time.  Me and friends were outside.  No breeze.  No one near the doors.  They just both flew open and dogs ran out.  No body left, but they could have.  I don't know what is happening, but it is real.  I know it is a path, but no idea where it leads. 
    JoJo went to a Sanctuary situation.  He is about 5 hours from here.  Hope I did right.  I love him so much and he loved and trusted me.  He was just such a happy boy and he was constantly hurting me with his exuberance.  He certainly didn't mean to.  I became worried he'd knock me over and I'd break a bone.  Then I would be in real trouble.  I accepted mopping up his marking.  Not much different then mopping up after the ones who become incontinent.
    I'm hoping Lou Lou will find the right home.  I may call the sister of the guy who died that had her.  I don't know if her circumstance changed or not.  Lou Lou really needs someone to treat her special and take her for walks and comb her.   The separation of her and Leslie and the wild bunch in general, is not good for any of the dogs.  I've worked too hard for over 5 years to have the wild bunch back slide. And I'm too old to be traipsing up and down the hill at night. Hell, I'm too old to be taking care of 13 dogs.
9/29:  My son and my grandson Birthdays today.  Hope they are celebrating together, but I doubt it.  Nothing is ever how we wish.
      Decided it is easier to leave JoJo and Lou Lou in the shop 24/7 and me come down and sew.  JoJo has good "patience" so when he sits and watched me, I stop and pet him.  Sometimes every 3 minutes.  I'd rather be petting then cleaning up pee.  Tried to comb Lou Lou.  She jumped right up on the table when I lowered it.  I got about 5 minutes in and she was done.  She really needs that undercoat out.  But I can't hold and comb at the same time.  And my left shoulder is killing me. 
     The dogs at the house are delighted to have run of the place.  Five of the wild bunch are over by the driveway 'guarding'.  Big black lab mix was here again today.  He has a GPS collar so I guess they figure they can just let him run.  Not altered.  Sweet boy, maybe 2 years old, 100 pounds.  But it makes my guys crazy.  He's trespassing on their property.  I tried to get him on the golf cart as I think he is the dog that goes for rides on the owners.  But I don't know which house they live in.  Could be one of a dozen or maybe farther over on the next road. 
     When JoJo is gone, I may try living in the apartment again.  I really do like it down here.  I like this computer better too.  I like the small space.  I like the coziness.  I like having my work room right here.  Only drawback is having to go to the house to cook.  I need to get a toaster oven for down here.  The midget ruined the last one.  Kathleen was telling about one that works like a real oven.  I do have room to put a real stove in there and Rick would wire it up.  Something to consider.
    I'm trying to find a grooming tub on a hydraulic lift that has 360 degree access.  I fail to see the benefit and convenience of having to turn one of these big dogs around to get to both sides.  Also, the step up in the lowest position is too high for some.  I don't want to be messing with a ramp and they are not going to do those funky steps.  And I need a slide door, not an open out latch type.  I've been trying to figure out how to take different parts and put them together to get what I want.  I know I can do it.  Can't cost any more then buying something out there that won't be perfect anyway.  Once I get it figured out, will need to decide where I want to put it and get someone to plumb it.  Considering moving my sewing machines into the other room so I have the car lift/craft table for drying and comb outs. 
     I don't think I'm going anywhere.  And I don't care.  I just wish I was near my daughter.  Otherwise I'm perfectly content right here. 
9/28: Counting the days until JoJo leaves.  I love him, but he is killing me.  I'm a physical and emotional wreck.  His exuberance is too much for my body to handle.  His marking is driving me crazy.  I just came down here to the shop where he and LouLou spent the night.  I have to get some sleep sometimes.  He had gotten into a bag of 20 + hot pad holders I was making.  Tore open the bag and peed on them!!  Well, that's trash.  Hardly want to use a hot pad holder that has been peed on, even if washed in hot water and bleach.  Yesterday I discovered he has been peeing in the spare bedroom carpet at the house.  It blends in with the carpet, so I had not noticed until I pushed the corner of the comforter back and it was wet.  Ran my hand across the floor and although mostly dry, came up smelling definitely of pee.  New, expensive carpet!   10 days.  It will seem like forever.  He is sitting here beside me, waiting to be petted. I Love him, but I'm at my wits end. 
      Just finished a call from a gal looking to adopt a Pit Bull.  She has one.  Had 2.  Both hated each other and both dog aggressive.  She thinks the neighbor poisoned the one.  She has a toddler and another baby on the way. The one she has left is very protective of the child, even against her and her husband. Toddler screaming in the back ground.  I tried to be as diplomatic as possible, but I wanted to say "Are you out of your fricken mind?"  It was a long conversation.  I actually said "Do you hear yourself?"  Geeze, I hope no one adopts to her!  At least not while she still has an aggressive dog. 
9/24:  Still trying to get back to some sense of order in my life.  Adopter of Hudini and SadieD became ill so they had to come back.  However, I contacted the adopter of Fancy (on of the wild bunch) who has a goat and alpaca farm.  Hudini really seemed to like his goats, so I contacted her.  Only 20 minutes away from where Hudini was.  She was thrilled.  I was thrilled.  From reports, Hudini is thrilled.  He and Fancy are getting along and Fancy is showing him the routine of the farm.  Kathleen picked up SadieD and brought her down with her.  It took about 3 minutes for Sadie to realize where she was and recognize me.  It was the best Doggie Happy Dance I had ever witnessed.  She is back on the bed with me at night.  She hates when I leave and thrilled when I return.  She just fit right back in.  Three times back, so she is staying. 
       Another relief will be when JoJo is gone.  He has a good place to go if all works out.  He won't have house privileges, but will have a cozy barn like the shop is here and playmates.  That is the best I can hope for.  He wears me out.  Taking him for a walk yesterday and he swung into me going out the door.  Hit my bad knee with his rump.  Pains shot and I almost went down.  Not his fault.  He is just so happy and shows it beyond what my body can handle.  
    Lou Lou will be so glad to stay in the house, but her and Leslie are going to have to come to an understanding.  It's going to take work.  Pumpkin and Cola may get the short end of the deal because they are the trouble makers; the riot inciters. 
    At night I put JoJo and Lou Lou in the shop and open up the doors in the house.  The wild bunch have really moved in.  Even Fraz and Freedom.  Fraz actually came into the spare bedroom last night until he realized I was in there.  Curiosity and Leslies presence are making him more adventuresome.  Freedom has peek through the door, but not quite ready to make the journey into the uncertainty. 
    I washed the third bag of Zeldas fur this morning.  One bunch clumped up.  No idea why.  It will be a challenge to get apart.  At least I am getting smarter at washing it.  I really had a disaster when I did Goofys'.  Parkers will be next.  I'm heartsick I can't find the bags with Saharas name on them.  I had quite a few.  I need to work more on Hanna.  I can have 3 bags in a day if I could just sit on the floor long enough to get her actually all combed out.  My body just can't handle it.   I have bags started for Lou Lou.  He had great fur and plenty of it.  Leslie would too, but for some reason I have not started her bags.  I should.  No idea what I will actually do with it.  I still have Fezes which is spun into yarn.  Still have the ring and feathers to make a Dream Catcher out of his. I do need a center piece.  I want a metal plate with his picture on both sides.  Just need to find a way to get it done and do it!  Sure wish I had saved Keetons and Bears fur.  But I have their ashes. 
   Speaking of ashes, I want to make a memorial area up on the hill and set 2 benches and the yard statues up there.  An area that is rocky and does not need weed eated.  A place that won't need maintained, under a cluster of trees.  The 30 plus containers of ashes will be dispersed there.  This was their home.  This was the place they knew and were loved.  This is where their ashes need to remain.  I need help moving the benches and statues.  Then I will have my private little memorial service, telling them goodbye until I meet them on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. 
9/7:  Forget about the movers to take some furniture from garage to shop.  Been sick for 2 days.  It got done and I needed the push to get out of bed.  I am afraid to eat anything.  Did have rice with milk and sugar this morning.  Really hungry for something with substance but don't dare yet. 
     Dreary, rainy day.  Just like I feel.  Sommer was going to come, but broke her thumb.  I was so disappointed as the dogs water really needs changed and I can barely lift the coolers anymore.  Knees, elbows, wrists, hips, neck and back are all shot.  Got 44 pound bags of dog food as a considerable savings per pound.  Had to roll them off the seat of the car and drag them into the house.  Only got one in.  they will just have to start eating the same thing.
9/1:  At 6:30 a.m. I had a call about some dumped dogs.  Sorry.  At 6:45 I was on Facebook and poof.  I was trying to post but it went weird.  Well, didn't realize it was my internet quit.  When my internet goes, so doe my phone.  I said I could live without, just need a cave, my dogs, bathroom, water and food.  Well, now less then 4 1/2 hrs later, I need to re-think this :-) . We will see if I make it through the long weekend with all the comforts except phone and internet. 
    Drove over to the motel where the homeless people stayed last night.  Several of us are working on getting them either a car or place to rent with their dogs.  No one wants pets in their rentals.  Anyway, I promised a little money towards the car they may get today.  I did not want them to think I lied or bailed so drove over to give them the money and let them know I was without communication until Monday.  Then he reminded me Monday is a holiday.  So guess it will wait until Tuesday, as will uploading this post. 
    Decided to sew but made mistakes.  My back hurts so bad.  My head hurts.  My tooth hurts.  I'm going to have to have it out.  It is totally fractured and has been for many years.  Dentist wanted to re-fill it, but I know it will just disintegrate.  The filling is the only thing holding it together.  It's far enough back that I'm not going to spend the money to have one put in. 
   I had to shuffle dogs at midnight.  The wild bunch is digressing because of Lou Lou and JoJo.  I put them in the shop and let Leslie and Cotton in with me.  I got almost 4 hours straight.  That is a lot for me.  I have got to do something with them but no one wants a 126 pound 8 years old heartworm positive Farm Collie who marks all over. And no one wants an 11, almost 12 year old Pyrenees, even though she is nearly as perfect a dog as one could ask for.  Two years would be stretching it.  People don't want to open up their heart to be crushed so quickly.  If she would just not fight with Leslie.  It's all Pumpkins fault.  Anyway, I'm still trying to work out logistics of how I can give everyone attention and not kill myself in the process.   Thinking through my fingers: I'm going to try to put 4 of the wild bunch in the shop and put JoJo and Lou Lou on the back side of the house where the wild bunch are now.  I cannot trust JoJo in the shop in the apartment as he will ruin the carpet.  I am just not sure who to put where.  So many dynamics and so many depending on one another and so many having mini issues with each other.  Getting the blend right is very difficult.  The wild bunch NEVER get into anything and I don't have to worry about pee or chewing or fluffing the new carpet..  Anyway, I look in those eyes, all of them, and see the love and trust and it crushes me that I can't be everything they need me to be for them.  I'm starting to cry.  I'm so overwhelmed and I have no way out that I could live with myself.  How do you send off a dog who has known horrible conditions and then had such love and care here for over 3 years.  JoJo would not understand.  Lou Lou would not understand.  She does not understand why her person left her.  She does not know he died.  I'm all they have.  I'm all the wild bunch has.  And I'm all that my old guys know.  Their remaining time is so short. 
8/31:  Been helping a homeless couple.  A group of 5 or 6 have joined forces.  I hope things work out and they will be on their way to independence by tomorrow.  I like her, but he is wearing on me.  She's a giver.  He's a taker.  She's appreciative.  He's 'well what do I get next?' 
    I wish I was back in the apartment with all the dogs.  But JoJo would pee on the carpet.  He is doing pretty decent in the house.  I think some of the puddles might be Lou Lou and / or Zelda.  They both 'pout' about sharing attention.  The new thing is pee on the deck!!  Even Parker and Hanna.  I got the hose hooked up and have to spray it off several times a day.  I've caught them all, but at different times so making it stop is a big challenge.  At least it is better then mopping up the ones in the house.  Wild bunch NEVER potties inside or even on the deck.  I really want to look forward to the time when I just have them... but that means the others will have passed away.  I don't look forward to that at all.  Another big hole in my heart.  I just wish JoJo would stop!  Some days I want him gone, and then he gives me that "I love you so much" look and I melt.  I'm the only good person he ever had in his life.  How can I make him go to someone else after over 3 years?  Crazy how I miss Sadie.  I do wish I had her back.  I feel like a traitor letting her be adopted. 
    Been sewing just for relaxation this morning.  Time to go poop scoop now.  The threat of rain has passed but still too wet to mow and weed eat.  .   
8/26:  Everybody has moved back to the house.  The wild bunch did not like being separated.  Besides I had 2 people here for a few days and the dogs just are not comfortable with anyone even near their space. 
     I got rid of my bed.  Moved the bed from the shop up to my room.  Much better.  Everything is Queen size now.  Will pick up a frame and mattress tomorrow for the shop.  Bought it and not sure I can fit it in the SUV but going to try.  Used but clean from Chucks Outlet.  It's the old fashion kind that you can flip over.  I hate pillow tops and hate the weight trying to change the sheets.  Have the box springs.  Just need a bunkie board for the thick mattress that was in here before.  I like low to the floor so dogs can get on and I don't have to get a step stool to get on.
     I need to put my life back together.  I'm not accomplishing anything.  I feed, I water, I mop. I eat breakfast. I vacuum, I nap, I feed, I water, I eat. I go back to bed!  And in between I check Facebook messages. Tomorrow I have to get to the bank and raise hell.  Bank that my SS and VA goes into got bought out.  I've been asking for about 8 months if I needed to contact SS and VA.  Was assured it would be a "smooth transition".  Well, packet in Saturdays mail saying on Sept 24th when the 'transition was complete' it was the 'customers responsibility' to contact any auto depositors and debit accounts.  And that it could NOT be done before that date.  Well, the US government does not work on Wal-mart time (Wal-mart owns the bank that bought out mine) And my deposits could go into cyber space for months.  Well this is not going to fly and I will scream really loud.  I may need bail money!  I will call SS too, but I have no idea who to call at the VA.  I'm beyond mad. 
8/15:  I really wish I were back living in the shop.  Just don't know what to do with JoJo.  He loves being in the house and is so attached to me.  He even got out, somehow, and came down here looking for me one time.  If he would just stop marking.  It seems to be getting worse.  I'm worn out and just do not know what to do.  He just can't be near carpet.  My area rugs are almost ruined.  They might be ruined.  I'm going to give cleaning one more try and hope they just don't fall apart.
    I'm in a bad place mentally and I know it.  I take a nap.  Sometimes sleeping 4 hours.  Get up, feed the dogs, take a bath, go to bed.  Sleep a few hours, get up for a few hours and then go back to bed.  Get up about 7 and ready for a nap about 10.  I'm taking 4 naps totaling about 14 hours.  Just a few months ago I was fine on 4 hours sleep.  I forced myself to carve on one of the rugs for the great granddaughters.  I want to have the 5 done before Christmas.  Don't know how they will get them as shipping is so expensive.  I need to set goals of sewing the curtains and doing the rugs and getting rid of more cup and saucer sets.  I just found another box in the basement.  Not sure if they are ones set aside or ones to get rid of.  Did not have the energy to carry them to the shop.
     Althea was here yesterday.  Brought 2 dozen fresh eggs less 6.  She opened the carton and to her surprise, 6 were missing.  She said Rick must have made breakfast.  I've had french toast yesterday and today.  I won't use store eggs.  Milk is starting to cause me problems too so switched to a very expensive brand.  Althea explained about different cows and that grain fed is not healthy.  Need grass fed to get good milk.  I messaged the company and got a response from the distributor, not the company.  That was pretty upsetting and enlightening.  I feel there may be some con game going on. 
     It's getting dark.  I need to go back to the house.  I didn't leave any lights on. 
8/11: Missed a much needed nap today.  Went to bed at 6 and then wide awake at 9.  This sucks.  I'm in the shop.  Repaired an area rug.  Listening to music CD's .  The wild bunch are outside except for Leslie.  Evenings are cool.  If I go to the house, they will raise the dead barking.  I really do prefer living in the shop but can't trust JoJo and carpet together.  Not only is he starting to mark again, Lou Lou and Zelda are "making a statement" on the area rugs.  They have been cleaned 3 times in 3 days.  Thus the repairs.  I'm not putting them back down as long as there is a chance they will be used as the bathroom again.  They will need cleaned again as the smell did not come out this time.  Glad I got a good steam cleaner this time that is actually working.   
8/07:  I'm back in the house.  I was moving some stuff and had the garage door up at the shop and Zelda walked out, went to the house and refused to leave.  She wins.  She has not been eating, but she gobbled down food, the same food, up there.  So now the house pack includes JoJo and the wild bunch has full choice.  They have split into 2 packs of their own choosing, 3 preferring the house and 5 preferring the shop.  But all the gates are open so should any of them decided to switch, they can.  The door to the one apartment is open so they can have a quiet place from storms.  And it is storming this afternoon.
    JoJo has been good in the house.  Only the second day, but not 'hiked'.  Lou Lou did have an issue with him and they had a fight this morning.  I think they both realized they had met their match and neither was going to come out ahead.  Thankfully they quit before I dumped water on them.  JoJo is going to have to eat closed outside.  He does not do anything wrong, but he is always hungry and he gets a bit too close waiting to see what the others might leave behind.  That did not set well with Lou Lou.
   Sommer has been working on polishing the floors again.  She has one section finished and it is finally getting some shine.  It will never be 'right' again after the idiot ruined it, but at least it is getting presentable. 
    Sold the sofa.  Wish I could sell the china cabinets, clock, desk and bedroom set.  I re-arranged the bedroom with the antique dressers.  I put most of the big bedroom set in the apartments.  It looks good and is useful rather then stacked in the way.  The bed is too big and too tall, as is the armoure (sp).
    I don't think God wants me in Idaho, at least not for awhile.  Things continue to break and need fixed.  I told Him, "I get it.  Alright already!"  I'm fine with what ever is meant to be.  I'm just living my life for the dogs again, and not for some realtor or perspective buyer.  I really don't care if my house smells like dogs!  
7/24:  A lot has changed since I last was able to get into my website.  The house has the for sale sign up  I have just about completed all the things that needed fixed.  Sommer and Nate have been a tremendous help.  I moved out of the house one week ago and living in the freshly re-modeled apartments. http://ozarkdogs.org/78sleepyhollowapartments.htm  I love it.  A few dog adjustments, but nothing major.  The change, for the most part, has been good for them.  Certainly has been for me.  I just today got phone and internet down here.  Not sure that is a plus.  I'm going to try to limit myself and not get caught up in facebook or solitaire.  When I can't sleep, I can work on rugs or sewing or combing out dog hair (I'm gong to learn to spin).  I won't have to put on shoes and walk down the hill and disturb the dogs.    I want to avoid the house as much as possible.  I only need to go to the house if I need the oven or to fry something.  Have a hot plate, but will stick with the range.  I probably will bring down the toaster oven or buy one. And need to spend time with JoJo.  He is using the garage and the 2 acres on the hill.  He needs attention, though.   Just wish he had someone to adopt him and love him. 
    I'm happy not having so much to clean.  I'm happy to have my crafts close at hand.  I'm happy that the dogs are adjusting.  I'm happy that maybe my electric bill will go down.  I'm happy to be sorting through stuff and giving a whole bunch away.  I miss simple and I'm trying real hard to get back to that. 
5/11:  It has been a busy month.  My daughter and granddaughter worked hard helping get the house ready to list for sale.  We built deck rails for the back and I am still in the process of painting them.  Allergies have slowed me down.  My biggest worry is getting rid of all the stuff that did not sell at my pre-moving sale.  It was a disaster.  People do not read!  Signs all over saying "INSIDE" but people were turning around in the driveway thinking there was nothing left.  People make me crazy!  Too much of value to donate to a thrift store.  Heck, I have enough to fill up a whole thrift store and then some. 
    I took in Lou Lou Belle.  She is an 11 year old Pyr whose owner died.  I am hoping things will get worked out between the mans mother and sister and she can move into his house and take the dog back.  Sweet dog, just another one needing attention when there is just not enough time in the day.
4/24:  Time flies faster as we get older.  My daughter has been here 9 days.  Does not seem possible.  We have worked on fence building.  Gate is not perfect but functional.  Had to completely take out the one section of fence that the idiot built.  We still have one small section to go, but just not enough time.  It has taken a full 5 days to set up the pre-moving sale and it is still not ready.  Just too much stuff.  My granddaughter will be here in a week and I am sending them off to Branson to have a great time.  I feel bad I've not had time to go places with my daughter.  I just want to get everything in order so I can move near her...if that is where I am suppose to be.  What ever, staying in this big house with all the maintenance required, I just can't do it.  I am too old and I need simple.  I actually just need a slave. 
   Spring has sprung.  I do know why they say that.  A week ago I had no grass.  Now I have over a foot high in the back.  Too much rain to mow.  I'll get lost up there mowing.  Bob and Kathleen will be here Thursday.  Bob has a big list.  I still have leaves from last Sept. that need burned in the front yard.  Grass needs mowed and the bug spray needs sprayed.  I have a few boards that need mitered.  Kathleen has a list too.  Cotton had some maggots and he is the clean one who is always inside.  Really freaked me out.  So I want Kathleen to clip down several of the others.  it appears it is the only safe thing to do.  A hell if you do and hell if you don't situation.  I just cannot keep up with 8 Komondor coats.  
 Dog walkers today.  Miss Betty.  I hope she is enjoying her new home and being near family. 
3/28:  Been trying to get the house in order after the un-handyman from hell tore it up.  The floor guy didn't do any better and he was a "professional".  I'm tired.  I'm sick (allergies) and I just want to have a little space for me and the dogs.  The house is too big.  The property is too big.  The responsibilities are overwhelming.  My housekeeper, Sommer, is my only salvation in getting things in order.  She is amazing. 
     Been raining again.  It is a bonding weather.  Since my bedroom is off limits until it is finished, the wild bunch had to take refuge in the rest of the house.  They were all in the living room all night, four very muddy ones were huddled together on the freshly cleaned area rug..  Such is life with dogs.
3/16:  Just kind of still in a state of haze.  I hear a bark and swear it is Goofy.  Parker no longer sounds like Parker.  He sounds like Goofy.  Zelda is going down hill fast.  I want to escape.  I want everything in order.  Everything but the bare necessities gone.  I will be so glad if/when the house is in order, floors done, walls painted, I move myself and the dogs into the apartment.  My daughter does not want the furniture so I'll just put it back in the house when the floors are done.  Moving costs are outrageous.  It can go with the house.  It's just stuff....stuff I don't want in my life.  Stuff no one else has sentimental value for.  I need someone who wants to work!!!  It rained so leaves are wet.  I had to trim down Cotton night before last.  He brought in a forest.  This house and property have never looked so bad and I hate that.  I like neat and order and clean.  
3/10:  I said good bye to goofy yesterday at 3:15.  24 hours later I am still in somewhat of a daze.  I put his food bowl in the "remains" cabinet or I would have filled it.  I looked for poop to pick up this morning, not realizing there would be none.  I woke up at midnight for his walk.  Then could not go back to sleep.  I know he is not here, but I still look for him.  I know Lorens spirit visited last night.  I felt arms holding me.  I was nuzzled in his chest.  The dream was so real.  I have grieved Goofy for 2 years, counting every day a blessing.  He kept going for me.  I could not let him do that any longer.  He began dragging himself the day before, scraping the tops of his paws on the pavement.  The morning was good, but he began to fall down by noon.  I could not ask him to please stay with me.  It would not have been fair.  He was in pain but hanging on for me.  No human would do that.  I had to wait 2 hours for Rob to come.  During that time, I combed Goofy.  I have been collecting the hair for some time from all of them.  I wanted to be sure I have enough to make a pillow that is just his hair.  It was my way of coping.
2/21:  Sleep.... I need it!  2:43 a.m.  Went to bed at 7.  Was up at 11 walking dogs in a drizzle.  Switched beds, wild bunch barked at me.  Gave up.  Sitting here at the computer trying to bore my mind with solitaire.  It usually puts me to sleep!   I don't feel good.  Chest and stomach (not gut) hurt.  Back always hurts.  I've gained 10 pounds since the Truffles arrived before Christmas.  I'm a chocolate addict.  I'm going to hide the last 2 boxes.   I should have never opened the fourth one.  Cleaning and eating.  The two things I do when I'm stressed.  The floor is really clean tonight!  I mopped the entire livingroom twice and the kitchen once.   I would have mopped my bedroom but the wild bunch would have run outside in the rain and just brought mud back in when I was done.  I want CLEAN!  I want things the un-handyman screwed up FIXED.  I want REST.
    I want the vet staff to quite giving me problems over the meds the dogs need.  I had to argue on price matching. Because they won't dispense an equal amount of the price match, they were not going to do it.  I've got a house full of crippled, old arthritic dogs and it breaks my heart to see them in pain when the meds are available.  But it is not the vets.  It is the turnover of office staff.  
     And I am upset about Kates ashes.  I understand ashes are just bone so weight is irrelevant to a point.  But she was as big bone wise as Chipi and Sahara.  Their ashes weighed 1 pound 7oz. Kates weighed 11 oz.  I want all her ashes, not just a part, or some other dogs ashes.  When the original owners 8 years ago, Bears weigh 3 pounds.  Sissy are close to that.  Then other people bought it.  The ashes decreased .  Now they have almost vanished.  I'm sure they will claim new equipment (if they bought some) does a more thorough job, but I won't buy that.    I'm just so tired of being taken.  90% of the whole damn would is all "give me".  
   I'm old, I'm tired, I'm cranky.  I should just be a bitch to everyones face and then at least I'd deserve the mistreatment.  3:20 a.m.  I'm going to try to go back to sleep.
2/19:  Still missing Kate.  A bit stressed too and the dogs know it.  Didn't know today was a holiday. Got some state thing about my car registration so drove to town only to find the office closed.  Had 2 things to pick up from Wal-mart and came out empty handed.  Stopped in the independent grocery store to see what meat was on sale.  None.  Walked out empty handed. Didn't want the trip to be a total waste, so picked up a supply of dog food that I really won't need for 2 weeks. 
   I should paint the apartment but really uncomfortable getting on a ladder with no one around should I fall.  Every day I go through there and see the mess that jerk made, I just want to cry.  A tiny 12" patch and he destroyed every tape seam in the room....on purpose.  I feel the same way every time I walk through the living room and see white dots of patch all over every wall when all he was suppose to do was patch where the drapery rod was taken down.  Now the whole room has to be re-painted.  And I can't turn on the ceiling fan since he screwed up the balance.  Liable to fly off the bracket and go out the window or crash on me or a dog.  I'm not handling 'putting it behind me' when I have to keep looking at it.  And still upset (going on 4 months now) about the leaves.  If Ben had not re-nigged on our deal, they would have been gone and I'd have paid him $40 to $60.  I still have leaves, only in piles and already out $200 just to have them raked so I can eventually burn them.  It has either rained and they are too wet, or the wind is blowing.  Today is both.  Yesterday was both. 
   Kathleen was coming but a family relative passed away and she is not sure what arrangements are being made.  Once she knows and gets that behind her, she will be down.  Her 2018 is going worse then mine and that is pretty bad. 
    Yeti got jealous and snarky at Goofy when Betty stopped by today.  This is not good.  Hope I can get things under control and straighten him out or he will be in the shop.  I will not have any of these guys pushed around by a new one.  Enough sadness with Cotton hiding in the bathroom all day with Parker and Freedom picking on him.  Not going to have any new conflicts. 
     Been waiting on a call from the vet all day.  I've got to get Cola, Leslie and Hanna on Tramadol also.  Watching them struggle to walk breaks my heart.  They probably should have been on it a year ago or more, but the DGP (all natural) was working reasonably well.  It no longer is.  Need something strong.  Hanna can't even get on the bed after I took the box springs out, which lowered it to 14" off the floor.  The toddler beds are about the same height and Cola can not get up on hers that has always been her favorite place.  Leslie needs exercise, but she hurts too much to walk.  138 pounds.  She should be 105 at most.  I'm just so 'down' watching these guys struggle with old age. 
2/16/18:  Kate has crossed the Rainbow Bridge yesterday.  This has hit me way harder then I ever imagined.  10 or 11 seizure in 13 hours.  She was already so effected by them.  Staring at a wall all day was no quality of life, But I could still pet her and hug her.  I don't even know if she was aware of my presence some times.  In all the months she was here, she had one good week.  I can't bare to look at her toys.  Toys that she briefly enjoyed.  Toys that lay in anticipation of a good day that never came again.  There are no do-overs.  There are no second chances.  But like all the others, I will never really know what one more day would have held.  So very hard to live with. 
2/14:  I have a house full of Hospice dogs and I'm worn out.  Kate had 2 seizures today.  I've got her back on full dose.  Been working it back up for over a week trying to find that 'just right' point.  A walking Zombie and still seizuring. 
   I can only get 180 Tramadol at  a time from the vet.  I need 6 dogs on it at least two pills twice a day but prescribed at 3 x a day.  That is 24 to 36 a day.  180 does not even last a week   I'm at a breaking point.  Goofy is the worse but he is happy.  He is not telling me he is done.  None of them are.  They still get happy for a walk.  They still come for attention.  Parker still sticks his paw out when I walk by and grabs my leg for attention. 
     I'm still grappling about the "un" handyman.  I keep finding more stuff he sabotaged.  I guess he figured by tearing stuff up, he had job security.  Kathleen and Bob are coming in a few days and I don't even know if they can use the shop toilet. 
    I did have one guy come today to rake leaves.  Actually 2.  But the one who came before was in a 'funk' and wasn't worth a damn.   His brother-in-law did a good job and worked hard.  I paid them seperate and the lazy one didn't get hardly anything because he hardly did anything.  The worker can't come back so I'm on my own to finish.  Hopefully there will not be a wind and I can start burning leaves.  I am still so angry at the leaf guy.  We made a deal and then he just screwed me over..... like everybody else.  I need to hire a man just to hire men.  I'm not stupid nor lazy but that is the mentality of everyone around here.  "Oh, she's old, she must be rich, one job and we can retire".  I wonder if this is how hard working honest black people feel? Discrimination of a different kind, but still discrimination.
2/2:  3 a.m.  You know those "flush anything" toilets.  Well, the house has them in each bathroom.  Never had a problem....until this morning.  They do not flush Goofy poop.  Normally I pick it up with puppy pads and a plastic bag and put it in the trash outside.  But it's cold outside!  It was near the bathroom, so why not?  Right?  Wrong!   I just picked it up with toilet paper (it was very firm) and flushed.  Looked like some went but some didn't.  I waited for the tank to re-fill and flushed again.  Mistake!  Had to scoop out water.  Nothing available that was 'disposable' but the receptacle I used is now.   Plunged. flushed.  It worked!!  Mopped, cleaned the toilet, cleaned the tub (where I had put the plunger), cleaned the sink (where I had set the receptacle) Stripped down (after a dozen hand washings) and got in the shower.  I felt 'splattered' on.  Realized after getting out that I did not have anything in that bedroom to put on.  Went through the house naked.  Normal bath towels don't quite cover me anymore.  Had to disturb the wild bunch who had re-settled in my bedroom to grab my pajamas and clean slippers.  Back through the house naked.   Now I'm cold.  Anyway, you ask why didn't I put my PJs on in the bedroom.  Well, the wild bunch are hard to settle in.  They play 'protect the door' against Freedom and Fraz coming inside.  If I had stayed in the room moving around, they would have all vacated the house.  Then when Freedom and Fraz wanted back in, Leslie, Pumpkin and Cola would have barked...non-stop, until F&F gave up and stayed out in the cold. 
    3:40 a.m.  Interruption...Goofy calls.  Stop typing and go direct him out.  Too cold for me to take him out the front.  He will just have to go out the back...meaning I have to mop.  He can't make it through the house without pee falling out.  Poop pile number 3 just did behind his bed.  Hell no, I'm not flushing it!!!  So I end up going outside anyway.  I'm up, might as well do laundry while I mop.  By the time I'm finished, it will be time to get up and start their breakfast. 
1/28:  Sadie and Hudini got a home together.  Wonderful retired gentleman with a lot of dog experience.  I was worried about Hudini going, but after meeting him, I felt very confident.  House seems weird with them gone.  I keep missing Sadie on the bed with me at night.  I keep looking for Hudini on his favorite bed in the dining room.
     The poop in the living room is multiplying. I'm not sure who else is no longer able to 'hold it'.  But way too much for just Goofys' contributions.  It really could be any of the other 4.  I don't even have a 'suspect' in mind.  Might even be a total of 3 dogs.  There certainly is enough.  Not even mopped up the pee today.  It will just be added to tonight.  Sommer, hopefully, will be here Tuesday.  She had some family problem so missed Friday.  Hopefully hiring a carpenter who knows what he is doing to get my deck rails done.  Waiting on some bids for painting the living room and bedroom.  Steve never got back to me on the tile.  I'm not happy about that.  He laid it and should feel some obligation to follow up on a mess up.  Just lack of communication, but I still need it fixed.  I will be glad when I can get the septic guy here to fix that in the shop.  The "handiman" sure left me with a way bigger mess then I started with.  I can't afford to pay someone to screw everything up and then pay again to have it made right.  By the time the screw-ups are undone, it will be well over $1000 just thrown away to be right back where I started. 
   I sure wish I could find a computer person who could install Ubuntu and get rid of W-10 on the new computer.  I used it 2 times and it already seems to be full of viruses.  Pop-ups screaming at me "do not shut down your computer, call the number on your screen immediately.  Your data is being lost".  I push the power button and it will not even go off!!! I have to un-plug!!  Seriously, I am not falling for this scam and phoning some phony number and letting them have my data and crash my system.  Already legitimately let Microsoft do it.  Not about to let hacks do it too.  When the last 3 'adoptables' are gone, I am off the internet except for emails. And once in Idaho, I may be off for good.
1/24:  I've been trying to use the new computer and it does not have Front Page on it so I can't update / work on my website from it. 
    Hired a handyman.  Boy was that a disaster.  Feel like I threw away $1000 for $100 worth of work.  I should not be expected to pay for "re-do's " when he screws up.  And he insisted on paid for his half hour lunch break!  The final straw was when he shit n a toilet he KNEW had a frozen drain line, flushed until it came up the other toilet hole and soaked the floor AGAIN!  I could write a mini-book, but I'd probably be slamming on my keyboard to the point of breaking it. 
    Housekeeper Sommer to the rescue.  She is great and can and will do just about anything.  Floor dry, tiles re-laid.  Yesterday she helped me re-organize the sewing room.  I had started it 2 days earlier after firing un-handyman.  I work when I'm stressed.  Sommer had some great suggestions and the room is way more functional.  Next is the room where I've been 'accumulating' stuff. 
     So anyway, some days are better then others.  There are the days when I only clean up 4 to 6 piles of poop in the house.  Firm piles so are easy to 'grab with a bag'.  Goofys' pee almost makes it out the door, or he hits it mostly on the floor and not on the rugs.  Good days include Goofy not falling down on our walk.  Goofy getting up and stable within 15 seconds.  Goofy nudging me for attention.  Goofy sleeping on the floor beside my bed.  Kate not having a seizure.  The wild bunch not keeping Freedom from coming inside at night.  Zelda eating breakfast.  Parker managing to get up.  Hudini letting me pet him.  JoJo not peeing in Fawns dish (Fawns return is another story for another time).  Those are the good days.
     And then there are the bad days like yesterday afternoon.  Sommer and I finished up at 2:00 so I'm back at the house getting ready to start evening dog duty:  Changing water, collecting dog dishes up on the hill where the wild bunch hauled them, washing the dishes,  Carrying in a bag of dog food.  Getting dog meds organized.  Kate has a bad seizure.  I've been weaning her meds down as they make her almost catatonic.  Trying to find that Kate I had for 4 or 5 days who was playing ball and racing through the house with joy.  Not the Zombie who walks into walls.  Well, I never did get that happy Kate back, but she needed more meds then I was giving.  During the seizure she pooped.  It spurted out all over.  She was smearing it all over her.  I was helpless to help her.  I had to hold her so she didn't hurt herself against the wall.  I could not get to anything to clean the poop out of the way.  The dogs start freaking.  Goofy gets up to run outside and his poop falls out all through the house along with a stream of pee that began by the fireplace and went all the way through the house out the door.  There were several dog fights.  I'm not sure who was involved.  They were brief. 
     When Kate stopped, she was 'out of it'.  She was also covered in poop.  Face, body, legs.   I grabbed a leash and got her out the door.  It was a  struggle as she was totally disoriented.  All I wanted to do was get her down to the shop where I could clean her up.  It was a tug of war the whole way.  But she was dripping in shit.  She freaked when I tried to push up the garage door.  Finally got her in.  She handled the spraying off reasonably well.  Rinsing her in warm water was all I could do.  She didn't get a bath that she needed.  Thank God it was not really cold outside as she was wet and I had to get her back to the house to clean up the floor.  I towel dried her as best as she'd let me.  The struggle was on again getting her back to the house.  She loves a walk, but not when she is confused.  By now all I can think about is getting her inside and off the leash and confined to the bedroom so I can clean up the floor.  She refused to come through the door.  She refused to go through to the back yard.  She was confused.  The dogs were fighting again and barking.  After 15 to 20 minutes. of this craziness,  I yelled at her.  Which only made the rest of the dogs more upset.  And stupid since she can't hear me anyway.  I had to literally drag her through the front door .  
     The house stunk.  What hadn't already been smeared, had been walked through.  I went through about 10 puppy pads cleaning up the bulk of it.  I had stripped the cover off the mattress (dog bed) while she was still seizuring.  (She had pooped a lot on the cover and then flopped over onto the floor.)   I had a hard time getting the poop off the seams of the mattress, even though it is plastic.  By the time I was done mopping, it was 5:30.  The dogs had still not been fed or gotten their pills.  Kate was still pacing.  No one wanted to eat.  I had missed their dinner time.  They go on strike when I am not on time.  And to top it off, I had just steam cleaned the area rugs the day before, brand new steam cleaner was a piece of junk, left them soaking wet, so returned it yesterday morning.   

     It is now 2 a.m.  I got about an hours sleep.  Stress and acid reflux.  Goofy called me away from the computer so we had a hug session.
1/06: Four are headed to Colorado at 2 a.m. on the 10th.  I will be a nervous wreck until they arrive.  Kathleen was coming Wednesday, But I need her NOW!  So she is checking weather.  If safe, she will be heading this way.  Trying to get everything put together for their departure is both physically and mentally hard.  Collar tags with all info, 2 copies of all vet records, weights, pre-testing crate size for each,  2 need shots, grooming, nail trim, Dramamine for Bailey as he gets very car sick, any special instructions written out, current photos for the front of their envelope (good thing my printer ink is due to arrive Monday).  I will be at 17.  Smiths' departure is tentative.  The door only swings out from this day forward (unless a return or a Newfie ends up on my door step).  I have to try to get emotionally stable without regaining the "Wonder Woman" syndrome. 
1/01: Well, the year has not started off well!  Freezing. Water frozen.  Dog fight. Freezing.  Set up yard with heater, carpet,  bed, blanket and had to carry water from the house.  Thought I lost my camera battery.  Looked all over outside.  Froze.  I had laid it on the counter when I came to fill water.  I do not remember taking it out of my pocket.  Brain is froze too.